“You’ll just know” the assurances of my CSO advisor rings in my ears. Staring down an inbox full of hopeful couples, I sit trying to deduce what it’ll be that I just “know.” Will I connect with someones story? Will it be the level of hurt or heartbreak that they’ve endured that pulls me to them? Or will a personality shine through words on a page and pictures to which I connect and even see myself in.
My inbox aglow with fresh subject headers made of real peoples’ stories has my emotions warring between apprehension and excitement, unsure of which feeling is stronger. Butterflies in the stomach evokes a much sweeter mental picture than what my body is feeling; my tummy is hosting a full on ping-pong tournament. Anticipation of the moment of reading profiles doesn’t disappoint, and it’s a special moment when I finally get down to reading and imagining. And feeling. So many feelings. It would take a stone cold soul not to feel the pull of empathy, the heaviness for couples who have worked so long and strived so hard, but who are still waiting to move from intended parents to parents.
In spite of my skepticism of the process, my heart starts to feel that pull. I’ve read every profile, and it becomes clearer the things that are important to my husband and I. Termination is something we feel uncomfortable with, and so we found that played out in the profiles we read. While reading profiles from all kinds of makeups of couples and families, we both realized we wanted to walk with a couple through the journey of “couple,” to “parents.” I like so many profiles, but keep looping back to one in particular. I show my husband and get his insights, (with some talking at him ad nauseam,) and then go back and read them all again. I reach out to the ever calm Robyn, and ask her for more profiles, because my feeling is I already have the right couple, and no number of additional profiles will change that.
There was no “aha” moment, no literal or figurative light bulbs went off. But it just so happened that in a sea of worthy families I would love to help, there just happened to be one who was “mine.”
Thank you SecretSurro! We love your entries and we can’t wait for more!! Reading about your journey from beginning to end is going to be Amazing! XOXO