Well.. It has been quite some time since we’ve heard from our SecretSurro!
She’s back with another entry (caution, could be difficult for some readers as a trigger). While we always hope for Sunshine and Roses in Surrogacy, that is not always the true story.
Dread.
Of all the myriad of feelings and emotions that I thought I’d experience this journey, this was not one of the ones I had anticipated. I figured I’d feel some excitement, and some nervousness, a little bit of eagerness, and of course, the surrogate’s constant companion, impatience. But this unanticipated dread emerged swift and sudden, and it became a daily companion for the whole of my two week wait.
Dreading taking another test and seeing another negative. There’s this moment for some surrogates that intended parents should know happens; she’s holding that test in her hand and praying for a line that instinctively she knows isn’t coming. And she’s so heartbroken.
She feels like she’s letting them down. That person or couple that she’s grown to care about deeply, and that she knows has all their hopes riding on her, she hates with all her heart the disappointment she feels she’s causing.
Because we know that sometimes it’s all their literal eggs in our basket.
Another moment of dread, after fourteen days of waiting, seeing the email with the Beta results you knew would be written, but are some how so much harder to swallow seeing with your own eyes.
“Confirmation of non-pregnancy. Stop all medications.”
This wasn’t supposed to happen like this.
Now what do we do?
And with that… We wait with you.. Sending gentle hugs and love to you and your Intended Parents during this next phase – and until then, we wait to hear from you again! xoxo